Anxiety does, for me, makes my temper high, everything little tends to get on my nerves, i get frustrated easier, yell at everyone where Im told "can you be less demanding or less grumpy" etc and that then makes me aware that my anxiety is high and I either go to my bedroom alone and do some breathing techiques and imagine a metaphor (imagine ... Im so frustrated and angry. My T keeps saying 'you cant do EMDR wrong, that theres not any rights or wrongs'.

Understanding the Context

If thats true then why do I feel like such a failure. I know all the horrible stuff is in there but I cant get in deep enough to confront it. My SUDs are already relatively high, how bad is it gona be if I finally do get in there. I'm scared of getting denied and what that will mean moving forward.

Key Insights

It's also been hard facing the reality of what my diagnoses mean and how they effect my ability to get through the day. I'm not feeling good and I'm frustrated because for once I felt like I was able to cope and now I'm back to square one. Don't know what to do with this. I can't feel any of it inside at all. Like I'm cut off from "things being better" or "things being a bit less worse".

Final Thoughts

It shocks me to see it put into words like that. Why do I get into that state? Because facing and preparing for the worst is easier/ safer according to my PTSD? Ugh... Can I give myself 1% kindness to believe that things won't turn out in the ... Hi, I'm new.

I am a bit frustrated with myself. Durning therapy I had an intense spontaneous flashback. I don't do that in front of people usually. I'm freaking out because I don't know what happened when I was experiencing it.